The Mainstream Media is Getting Back to What’s Important – Celebrating Itself

"Mimosas" by Joe Shlabotnik is licensed under CC BY 2.0

After years spent chasing the fake Russiagate hoax and the obsessive quest to impeach President Donald Trump, the US mainstream media is getting back to what’s important: celebrating itself.

After all, if there’s one thing that’s been missing from the past four years it’s grandiose delusions of self-importance and narcissistic self-absorption from our national political media.

Wouldn’t you agree?

What we really need is to celebrate our brave legacy news outlet reporters and pundits more: those progressive warriors of truth who stood strong in the face of mean tweets from Trump for literally years. 

Now the left-wing media is ready to soothe its hurt feelings and return to praising itself.

Mainstream media members are also honing in on crucial topics that are vital to national security and holding those in power accountable, including:

Jennifer Epstein of Bloomberg News celebrating President-elect Joe Biden’s socks:

And Kaitlan Collins of CNN patting herself and her colleagues on the back for getting Trump to answer a question:

No word on where the macaroni finger painting and the rest of the kindergarten class will be taking place later today for Collins and her coworkers, but her tweet was reportedly rated 10/10 for Stunning and Brave by Snopes.

In addition, who could forget CNN‘s Jim Acosta and his incredibly heroic journey to uphold press freedom? The word hero just doesn’t quite cover the full extent of Acosta’s bravery and professionalism.

Who knew that being a consistently disruptive, juvenile troll would lead to getting your press pass taken away?

Let’s all give him a hand, folks.

Hitting the Snooze Button While the World Burns

"CNN reports" by afagen is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0
“CNN reports” by afagen is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

The mainstream media is hitting the snooze button while the world burns, and that shouldn’t surprise anyone.

After years spent celebrating former President Barack Obama as God’s gift to mankind and aggressively inserting progressive opinions into supposedly unbiased reportage, the majority of institutional media simply doesn’t know – or care to know – how to report facts.

The fact that Obama helped bring back mass modern slavery by his intervention into Libya, or that Biden has an extensive and troubling record of pro-war, pro-corporate legislation means nothing to most in the mainstream media, because these politicians don’t tweet mean things, and they talk nicely and pat reporters on the back.

Isn’t it just so touching to know that the majority of well-paid mainstream media members won’t go near Biden’s Ukraine scandal or Hunter’s festering corruption because they want to cozy up to the Biden family and get deeper access to the Oval Office?

Brooklyn hipster journalists and CNN snark artists will still drool all over Obama’s latest cringeworthy new book A Promised Land or go gaga over Biden’s socks because they are privileged, brainwashed children.

These media mouthpieces don’t actually care to uphold liberty, help the working class, stop racism or fight for peace, they just want to feel good about being celebrated for looking like they are doing that. 

And therein lies all the difference, as well as the reason why they built Trump up into the object of all their nightmares over the past four years.

The DC Press Corps Goes Back to Brunch

After considering itself done with helping oust Trump from office and the tiresome business of pretending to report the news, the pampered DC press corps and wider US mainstream media is ready to go back to brunch. Break out the mimosas and toast President Kamala Harr- I mean, uh, President Joe Biden!

The pampered media poobahs are ready to chow down on a massive self-righteousness sandwich and clap for Kamala. They are ready to celebrate the dawning of a new age of perfection and “progress,” and if you’re not then it must just be because you’re a backwards Christian, conservative MAGA-tard.

Prepare for four years of the media taking a giant nap. Corruption, radical intrusions of civil liberties by far-left extremism, criminal neglect of violent looters and Antifa and BLM radicals destroying American cities?


The media is ready to go back to brunch now that the bad orange man is leaving, and they expect you to clap for them and start handing out their fake awards again so they can feel nice and make witty quips on Twitter.

As for the mainstream media actually doing their job? Don’t count on it anytime soon.